Thursday, November 27, 2014

The relationship with a borderline subject

These texts are extracted from the new book coming out in the early months of 2015 / "Forever alone" and talks about  the problem of borderline and the consequences on people close to the BPD (borderline personality disorder).

by F Guzzardi (all rights reserved)

A person who comes into close contact with a BPD in the time is subject to a variety of manipulative behavior. Normally the BPD implements sophisticated manipulation techniques to be substituted and declined of any responsibilities of life. In short, people BPD put their entire lives in your hand and then  punish or blame you violently if something is wrong.

It is a very complex personality who learned these tactics manipulative probably even in childhood or youth and long to go put them into practice in relation to other people  automatically, without   scruple or doubt about what they are doing.  It's very important to understand that people borderline, because of the techniques learned in the past, they behave in a certain way or are prone to manipulation of a non-BPD without malice or desire to implement what they are doing. Wickedness, in psychology, is wanted and premeditated act by which a person wants to do harm to another.

Typical features of BPD:

The performance of automatic behavior similar to some situation that has already taken place earlier, such as the repetition of phrases seductive, the use of your own emotional state, of seduction techniques very convincing or in arousing compassion in people especially of the opposite sex, more or less consciously echoing a script (hence the "states" or "dramatic personality") already tried and tested successfully in the past.

The BPD have a strong ability to understand the fly and to understand the crowd (work colleagues, various situations) which is the most suitable person to "hook up" and take hold emotionally.

Establish emotional relationships superficial and silly, that last very little and tend to put themselves in the hands of the other to a strong need for protection and need, not because they have feelings high (such as love or friendship in a broad sense).

 Tend to idealize the person who takes care of them: the status of the non-BPD, first seen as a "savior" (or involved in a variety of roles: lover, friend, father sostitutitivo, etc.) Changes from "benefactor" in person "evil" in a short time and at the very moment in which the other does not pay due attention and immediate.

They have a lack of empathy towards others - that is, they are not able to understand that the other should or can express needs, which can be committed and do not listen, you may suffer because of personal problems.

Absolutely do not recognize the existence of other people: the others are seen as individuals who tend to fill the lack of self-esteem of the patient BPD as "containers" of self-esteem: they are the people who are next to the BPD to give meaning to his life.

Lacking the BPD of a precise identity, it tries to find it in the other, in the values and things of others and as a result ...

The tendency is to get more attention from them. When you obtained this attention that must be continuous and constant over time (while they, the BPD are not able to provide it in the same way) are formed very close relationships and governed exclusively by strict rules imposed by the BPD.

The process of encapsulation
The process of "encapsulation" of the other. Notoriously BPD (and even the ordinary people who are manipulative) behave so groped to isolate the person with whom they are in contact with subtle manipulative techniques. May induce non-BPD  to believe what he hears from third parties about the borderline experience, not to believe what is reported, to threaten to terminate the relationship if the "truth" of BPD is not accepted .

The BPD usually makes use of lies, omissions in the stories, half-truths, etc. to be persuasive with the non-BPD.

All of these behaviors make it increasingly stormy interpersonal relationships, generate conflicts in the workplace, with friends, acquaintances, relatives. The BPD is not understood as a disturbed because apparently has a behavior that mimics the normal.
The BPD feels no real affection towards others, even if outside them with extreme conviction, such as a BPD can hold photos of their non-BPD bedside and watch the evening, before going to sleep, in the same way with which a child hugs him a teddy bear stuffed to feel protected.
The new relationships are established by the BPD to create art through the lament, victimhood, etc., To grip on new friends or lovers that rise to a role in "saving" or defender, until they understand well the disease.
Often the BPD that are dipedenti by non-BPD, will resort to new friendships or loves to replace people who leave. Always remember that the BPD "when the codependent (non-BPD) is gone, someone else will shine in front of their eyes" - you are not in fact non-BPD nor useful, unique or essential to the BPD - can be replaced in any time, despite the BPD makes you believe that you are "the best friends, the people to whom it wants best, the most popular and unique in the world."

They accuse the ex-husbands, ex-lovers or ex-friends of inventing false charges. The phenomenon is known in the United States where some children with BPD have turned to the help lines (such as those of our helpline) accusing the parents of abuse never happened.

The BPD in the phenomenon of projection can accuse the non-BPD to be suffering from disorder BPD.

The BPD will admit to being affected by the disorder to elicit pain and compassion in the non-BPD in order not to be aborted or to subdue the non-BPD to their will.

Demonstration of competence; lack of continuity in the time-BPD do not suffer due to a disturbance intellectual, but emotional. The demonstration about their skills (eg at work, study etc.) Continually misleads others. The person may try to implement something just to show others that it is healthy. However, lacks continuity in time; everything has so cyclical.

Sometimes the BPD can overload a non BPD of tasks, and when these solves some problems, then gets offended because he did it; then can try to fend for himself, with more or less scarce in the discharge of their duties, and then repeat this cycle.

These aspects and behaviors of BPD can arouse many doubts in those who have never known a person with BPD, or even disbelief. Speaking of normal people or non-BPD we are all led to believe that a person of this type does not exist and that in it (also due to a cooling of religious and denial of the disease, perpetrated for years in Italy) exist traits normal or rather "a fund of goodness" such as to believe that anyone could exist a love relationship or friendship. In reality, these traits are: you notice a periodic resurfacing of some good feeling, such as the fact that BPD may at some time be generous, grateful, grateful, etc. Unfortunately these events are continually shaken by the disturbance, are rare and are not objectively and easily assessable if manipulators or less. Actually in BPD lacks a continuity of sentiment and affection such as to set up a real and stable friendship or a love relationship.

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